You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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