I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
