i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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