i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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