You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
