im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
