He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
