do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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