may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
