The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
