he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
