i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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