Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
