matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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