She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
