And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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