I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
