I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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