Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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