I am in a vortex of obligation.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
