i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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