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What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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