I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
