im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
