So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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