On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
