Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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