i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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