She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize