Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
