Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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