he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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