Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
