break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
