oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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