Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
