are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
