I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize