This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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