dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
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