Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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