It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
