I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
