Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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