So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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