Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
