I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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