oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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