I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
