is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
