is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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