"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
