You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
