Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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