So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
