butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
