Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
