Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
