i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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