I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
