I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize