Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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