the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You're a waste of cheezeits
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
