dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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