So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
