you traded sex for a burrito?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
