I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
