some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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