Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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