i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
