my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
