i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
