i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
