whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
