We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
