I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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