I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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