dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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