Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The feeling are messing with the penis
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize