Can i not drive my cunt home
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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