It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
