I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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