I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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