I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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