Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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