If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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