no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
