Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
