After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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