Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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