oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize