Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
