Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry TyphoidSammy hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(513): View more from Ohio

u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny

Fav 11 930 4452
share tweet
(765): View more from Indiana

I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.

Fav 26 9834 1406
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(720): View more from Colorado

This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.

Fav 33 6480 2291
share tweet
(270): View more from Kentucky

The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower

Fav 17 7498 1344
share tweet
(317): View more from Indiana

Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.

Fav 14 2822 1486
share tweet
(607): View more from New York

his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.

Fav 10 3921 1094
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(248): View more from Michigan

we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies

Fav 10 2086 1199
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(716): View more from New York

We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?

Fav 4 597 415
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(727): View more from Florida

It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?

Fav 0 61 11
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT