I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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