no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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