now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
