Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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