so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
