all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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